There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
