Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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