Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
