smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
