Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
