Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
