I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I believe in your delicious
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
