Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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