the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
