I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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