ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
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I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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