no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize