I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
