Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
