She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you didnt know i had herpes?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
