Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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