Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
