I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
