I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
