cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
