My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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