I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
