you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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