youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
