you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
