Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
