You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You're earring is so big in my mouth
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How does one acquire holy water?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
