Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
