we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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