Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
