I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
