Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
