Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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