allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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