i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
