4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
