I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
