Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
