Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.

Fav 15 903 1997
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(440): View more from Ohio

My astrological sign? Vagitarius.

Fav 20 3888 1044
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(757): View more from Virginia

he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.

Fav 46 7782 944
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(504): View more from Louisiana

Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16

Fav 16 5351 937
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(914): View more from New York

I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

Fav 19 9005 1686
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.

Fav 42 12100 1498
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(515): View more from Iowa

He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.

Fav 10 3279 1087
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(208): View more from Idaho

Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.

Fav 2 59 46
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.

Fav 0 51 3
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