apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
