He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
