I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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