Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
