Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
