Screwed.edu
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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