you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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