Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize