Cold hands, warm shart.
Don't you send me to vm
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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