your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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