I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
