I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
