her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
