I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
