Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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