I bet he comes in French.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Welp...herpes.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
