so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
