meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
