The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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