if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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