It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
