Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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