He is an equal opportunity slut.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
