Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
