i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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