Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You took a bar mat shot.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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