your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
