The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
