we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
