I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
