to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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