Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
smell my finger.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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