what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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